


petranaki-fanclub.alt.holonet

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, relationship status: in cahoots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 03:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16905456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: Pinned message by den-of-teeth:Welcome to petranaki-fanclub.alt.holonet, for fans of the real heroes of the gladiator battles, execution arenas and deathtraps of our galaxy - the hideous, bloodthirsty monsters who meet in titanic struggles against each other, or just devour the pathetic bipeds that are fed to them for execution. Whether you love Rathtars, Rancors or Wampas, whether you prefer the horror of giant bone crushing claws, stomachs that could gradually disintegrate you over a thousand years, or creatures that literally devour your mind, you're all welcome here. Just remember that we're all here because we love monsters and we want to find other weirdos who love them too. Keep it civil!





	petranaki-fanclub.alt.holonet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [olio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olio/gifts).



_Pinned message by den-of-teeth:  
Welcome to petranaki-fanclub.alt.holonet, for fans of the real heroes of the gladiator battles, execution arenas and deathtraps of our galaxy - the hideous, bloodthirsty monsters who meet in titanic struggles against each other, or just devour the pathetic bipeds that are fed to them for execution. Whether you love Rathtars, Rancors or Wampas, whether you prefer the horror of giant bone crushing claws, stomachs that could gradually disintegrate you over a thousand years, or creatures that literally devour your mind, you're all welcome here. Just remember that we're all here because we love monsters and we want to find other weirdos who love them too. Keep it civil!_

 

den-of-teeth: Hello, monsters and fuckers of the alt holonet. My day on the scrapheaps was pretty garbage today but it's a relief to get a break and check in with you freak-lovers. Makes my day so much better to come on here and find pictures like these Acklay photos waiting for me. Wish I'd lived on Geonosis so I could have seen her in action back in the day. ❤️

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Aww, sorry about your day. I think they still have Acklay on Vendaxa, you'll get to see them one day.

den-of-teeth: Thank you! I love all our monsters, though, including your faves. Hey, I was wondering, have you ever met a Rathtar?

RathtarsXxXxRULE: No, I wish! Or maybe not, I dunno if I'd survive it. My cousin said he worked on a cargo ship moving rathtars once but I think he was lying. I'd love to get to one of the planets where they're kept as security measures or executioners one day, though. I mean I know I'd be risking my life to get anywhere near them but it would be worth it. Of all the horrors I've seen in the universe, I don't think anything could compare to those waving tentacles clouding out your vision as you stare down into that maw of ringed teeth.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: I'm so tired of hearing about how Rathtars are the best monsters out there. Rathtars are tiny babies compared to the true horrors this galaxy has to offer. How can you even talk about staring down into a maw of teeth and think that Rathtars are the best? A Rathtar is nothing but a pitiful imitation of a Sarlacc and you know it.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Oh, it's you.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: You can't handle the goddamn truth, bug-eyes.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Have you ever once read the title of this channel? It's called Petranaki, for Alderaan's sake, get with the program. No Sarlacc has ever fought in an arena.

den-of-teeth: Ok, I started this network because I loved arena monsters, but I really meant it as a forum for adoring any terrifying monsters that would eat us all alive.

_**Aarrgradash: As a Wookie, I find the emphasis on arena fighting distasteful. Do you know how many of my aunts and uncles were enslaved and forced to fight for others' entertainment? It was a terrible existence. I don't know why you think it's okay to glamorise arena fighting just because beasts aren't sapient and would be trying to kill sapients for food or bloodlust anyway** _

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Sarlaccs have never been enslaved.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Yeah, yeah, yours is the only unproblematic fave. never mind that rathtars do nothing but experience relentless hunger for flesh no matter where they are, and at least in an execution dungeon they're not being turned loose on innocent sapients.

den-of-teeth: Aarrgradash, I'm sorry arena monsters upset you but they are a big part of the network. If you don't mind my asking, why are you here if you don't like arena monsters?

_**Aarrgradash: I like tentacles.** _

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Fuck yes

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Sarlaccs have longer tentacles than Rathtars.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Oh, for fuck's sake

_**Aarrgradash: I'm not that picky.** _

den-of-teeth: see, Aarrgradash can enjoy monsters without pitting them against each other literally or figuratively. Can we at least keep our fights to... well... which would win in a fight?

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Rathtars

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: No**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Devastating argument

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Sarlaccs are bigger**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Yeah, and practically IMMOBILE. You can't even get one to come to a fight, you have to drop your victims right on top of it. At least a Rathtar can hunt.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Someone has to be the one to come to the fight. Like how you should come and fight me.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I don't need to be in proximity to tell that you're full of shit, my antennae can feel it through the goddamn Force.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Come and say that to my face next time you're Cantonica then**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Wait, you're on Cantonica? Whereabouts?

_**Aarrgradash: omg** _

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Like I'm gonna tell you**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Well, whenever you're done being a coward, you'll find me at the Kraskan Hiveblock V in the Shockscream Sector. Come over and face me like the Rancor-handler you think you are.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: uh.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: what

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: I live around the corner from there**

_**Aarrgradash: OMG** _

RathtarsXxXxRULE: What are you waiting for then

den-of-teeth: Don't do it, guys, come on.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: I'm a lady**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I'm a shot in the dark, a ruthless killer, a blaster shot you never see coming because you're blinded by my presence

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I'm also a lady though

den-of-teeth: okay then, ladies, please don't.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: I'm no coward. I'm home right now. Come choke on my big blue lekku if you love tentacles that much.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I'm more into nightmarish rings of bone-crushing teeth than tentacles, but I'll be happy to meet you in the street and scoff at how deeply unsatisfying your pathetic lekku are compared to any decent tentacles.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: How would you know if you don't give a shit about tentacles**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I never said I didn't give a shit, but if you doubt me then we can take photos and find an impartial judge.

_**Aarrgradash: I will volunteer for this duty.** _

den-of-teeth: Please don't encourage them. Don't do this. I'm tired and my montrals are aching from the noise I've had to listen to all day and I want to take a nice bath and look at some bone-chilling monster photos to relax, not top your sorry asses from street fighting.

_**Aarrgradash:You're not the moderator of the street. Honourable friends, I suggest you meet at a point equidistant from your dwellings and settle this disagreement by tearing each others limbs off until one of you is victorious.** _

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Just getting my quarterstaff ready to go.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: My blaster's ready to go and I'm one step ahead of you. See you outside the Spice Hole, sand-licker.

_**Aarrgradash: Please also share photos of this showdown if you are the victor.** _

_**Aarrgradash: Hello?** _

den-of-teeth: I'm worried.

_**Aarrgradash: I hope they both survive** _

den-of-teeth: ME TOO

_**Aarrgradash: It would be a shame not to have evidence of this fortuitous encounter between two of our number** _

den-of-teeth: I meant I'm afraid that they'll kill each other, you furry asshole!

_**Aarrgradash: Sorry, my Togrutan friend. Sometimes I forget not everyone shares my love of noble combat.** _

den-of-teeth: Oh, it's fine. i'm just tired. After all, hardly any of our compatriots share our fondness for monsters, either. I just wish those two could discuss things rationally.

_**Aarrgradash: I understand. It must be a difficult job at times. Would it help if I sent you my favourite Bor Gullet photo?** _

den-of-teeth: Yes.

den-of-teeth: Thank you.

den-of-teeth: She's beautiful.

 

[Two days later]

 

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Hello**

den-of-teeth: Oh thank slimy little acid slugs you're still alive

den-of-teeth: Wait, is RathtarsXxXxRULE still alive??? If you killed her then I have to ban you. I think. Fuck, why didn't I think to put in the rules that killing other net members was a bannable offence?

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Oh. No, she's fine.**

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: I am also fine.**

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: We're getting married.**

_**Aarrgradash: Hearty congratulations!** _

den-of-teeth: Excuse me.

_**Aarrgradash: A fine pairing for such kindred spirits and brave warriors as yourselves.** _

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Yeah we wrestled a bit in the street and then got screamed at by some patrol droids so we had to run down a back way and hide in my apartment and it's too small to fight in so I figured I may as well crack out the rancor blood and get us drunk instead.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: It did me in when you pulled out a bottle of rancor blood. My antennae tingled so bad I thought they'd fallen off for a moment, I was so overwhelmed.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: ❤️**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: I've been on so many crappy dates in this spaceport because nobody really gets me, and like, why was I even fighting with her when she's the only interesting person in this shithole?

den-of-teeth: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so happy for you.

den-of-teeth: Please tell me this means I don't have to moderate any more Sarlacc vs Rathtar flamewars.

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Oh, no, she's still REALLY wrong about Rathtars.

**pitmaster-of-carkoon: Bite me. Once we bribe someone for a marriage licence we're spending our honeymoon on Tatooine so she can see a Sarlacc in person and I can feed it to her when she finally admits I'm right and they're way cooler than any dumb old Rathtar.**

RathtarsXxXxRULE: And once she admits I was right all along, we're going to Sorca to liberate some Rathtars and see if we can escape before they devour us.

den-of-teeth: what

RathtarsXxXxRULE: Yeah, Aarrgradash really made us both rethink our stance on gladiatorial fighting.

_**Aarrgradash:While I enjoy this netspace, I did not expect to find such compassion. Thank you, friends. Many blessings to you.** _

den-of-teeth: THIS NETSPACE DOES NOT ENDORSE FREEING RATHTARS

den-of-teeth: ..... but congratulations to you both, I'm so happy that this weird monster-loving netspace brought you such happiness in each other.

den-of-teeth: also, if you survive, please post pics.


End file.
